God doesn’t need to be “fixed”

In the past I have been pretty open about my struggle with being a fixer. I have to intentionally say no when needed, learn to set boundaries, let go of people and things, and practice prioritizing. These skills do not come easy for me, but I’m getting there. Since I have moved to Georgia, I have had time to reflect on how much I allowed myself to be pulled in different directions. You can’t get mad at people for using you, when you allow and invite it. I now understand why I was always dragging and tired but not getting much done. Maybe you need to step back and do some reflecting of your own. The other day while in the gym, I began to talk to God about being committed to Him and the journey to serving Him with my whole heart. I was reflecting on what I heard from various ministers the days before. While talking and walking, I realized I was still dealing with “fixing” and it’s partner “people pleasing”. Some struggles we have to be aware of because they will try to rise up when our guards are down. Holy Spirit reminded me of my recent trip to St, Louis. I was breaking my neck to see everyone, felt obligated to do things, and felt guilty when I couldn’t complete certain task. This Iist may sound like small things, but they add up. Sometimes we try to do and be so much for others that we can unintentionally become their god. They depend on and call on us more than Him. By the end of my trip I was exhausted. I had to admit to God in that moment that I didn’t know how to stop being a fixer. At times I don’t know when I need to be places because He is sending me, if I feel obligated, or if my motives for doing it are coming from a place of fixing. As I was talking, God said you even try to fix me! I could recognize it in certain areas, but not with GOD! I felt so convicted that I began crying as I walked the track at the gym (glad no one else was up there). When Holy Spirit said that I immediately understood. For me I try to fix things when they don’t meet my expectations of actions, time, or feelings. I had expectations for God to do certain things in my life by a certain time and because I didn’t see them, I needed to help Him/ Fix Him. For example with my housing situation, God told me when I started this journey in March that it would NOT be traditional. After staying in this hotel for over 3 months, I was convinced that He must not be able to find a house, He ran out of money, or I wasn’t taking enough faith steps. I started searching the web for homes, trying to find open houses, and even looking into Airbnb’s. I even said God did you say rent and I forgot that part? He gave me the side eye lol. He specifically said own. Those steps may sound innocent (the enemy is cunning), but He said the steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord. Nothing I was doing at that time was ordered by God. I was trying to manipulate the situation to force Him to act sooner. I had to repent for my PRIDE! I had the nerve to think I could do things faster and better than God. That sounds ridiculous, but we all do it. We bring Him our plans in a nice binder and tell Him the timeline and steps to get there are included to make it easier on Him lol. Then when we mess things up, we blame Him. Maybe in our moments of insanity, we think He is too busy, forgot about us, or is not working behind the scene. While reading this, you may say it sounds like I am dealing with trusting God, being in control, and expectations. All of those are correct, but my root is fixing. I have learned to trust God in many areas, but we are working toward trusting Him in ALL areas. This process can cause you to become weary, but I promise the work is worth it. He is so patient and kind when He shows us ourselves. It is never mean or in a way that beats you down. He always works in love. He is also faithful to forgive us when we acknowledge and repent. I am growing each day and I love the free woman I see in the mirror. Let’s all be more intentional about letting God lead and we follow. When you get the urge to make things happen, remember God knows what He is doing and will let you know when He needs you to make a move. Be blessed and keep talking.